In 2010, I had a very vivid dream. In that dream, I was a high-ranking soldier. I simply pressed a button in the command center and sent rockets away, destroying many homes and cities, which devastated and killed many civilians. I felt strong, confident and powerful with the life- controlling might in my hand. The scene changed. On a war-torn street, I met an old, helpless lady. She saw me, turned and was trying to walk away quickly. I lifted up my handgun and shot her without feeling any remorse. Without any voice, she collapsed forward, trying to crawl away slowly, then she looked at me, as if saying, “Why?” … She died painfully, helplessly. I felt proud as a soldier, but deep within, I knew I could never be more wrong. That guilt stayed…
And with that deep guilt from my killing karma, I then spent what seemed like a really long time in hell. Afterwards, I thankfully could not remember much about what was in hell, except one thing: waves after waves of dark seas which were not of water but of sharp black nails that flowed like water, constantly hitting on me while I swam in them, as they were drowning me. I was trapped in this sea of darkness and despair, unable to get out. I couldn’t even cry for help. There was nothing I could do…
The scene changed again, this time at a farmland. In the beginning, I couldn’t see myself, I didn’t know what I was, but the memories, feelings and consciousness remained as the soldier I had been – that young man who killed many. I do not remember how I reached there. But from afar, I saw a plump farm lady. Within me, I could recognize her as the reincarnation of the old lady I had killed, even though she already looked different. Flashes of memories of her crawling on the street came back. With deep guilt, I ran towards her. I was wailing out, trying to call out to say, “I’m sorry!! I’m sorry!!” But there was no response from her, and all I could hear was a pig’s cry. I understood that I was now a pig, looking at her from the level of a person’s knee. I kept crying out loud, apologizing, but all I heard was a pig’s cry from my mouth. She didn’t understand anything as I continued to wail…
Finally, I woke up, my pillow soaked with tears of repentance. I was wailing even in my sleep. These were some snapshots of my past sins. The karma of killing brought such deep guilt and helplessness that I had to be sent to hell, be punished as an animal, and be slaughtered, for us humans’ sins of warring and killing.
Even till this life, when I fell sick, the black waves of nails would come to haunt me in my dreams. Every night since I was a kid, I dreamt of ghouls and dead bodies lying around in my home. But all these ended right away after I decided to become vegetarian at the age of 10 (later vegan), and to follow Supreme Master Ching Hai on the path of the inner Heavenly Light and Sound, to practice the Quan Yin Method. Master saved me and now I am no longer afraid of darkness. I could understand the ignorance of humans, who couldn’t see animals as the same as us inside. Some of them bear the same consciousness as us as human beings in the physical form of an animal, except that they are closer to their real conscience, unclouded by this tricky human mind. I pray that humans will be able to stop killing and torturing each other and slaughtering animals, because we never know if they were once just like us. I pray that humans will repent, stop warring with each other, and that all will follow Supreme Master Ching Hai, the highest refuge from this illusionary world.
Thank You, Master, with tears.
With love,
Choo Beng
Vegan: cuz we fear hell.
Vegan side effect: u’ll b spared of hell fire.
Each of Master’s disciples has similar, different or more inner spiritual experiences and/or outer world blessings; these are just some samples. Usually we keep them to ourselves, as per Master’s advice.
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